Don't feel like you have the right kind of name to be a saint?
Don't worry! Let Pope Rusty's Saint Name Generator
pick one out for you!
| Thomas Aquinas | Yes! Became a Dominican monk in spite of opposition from family. |
| Valerian of Abbenza | Yes! Patron saint of benzodiazepams. |
| Christopher | Not anymore. Dropped from the Universal Calendar in 1969 for failure to use turn signal when changing lanes. |
| Theresa of Calcutta | Sainthood in progress....Check back later. |
| Seraphim of Sarov | Yes! He lived in a solitary hut in the forest, resided for a time upon a pillar, and later was walled up. |
| No. Running up to strangers and yelling "Pull my finger!" is not compatible with sainthood. | |
| Optatus of Milevus | Yes! Best known for his opposition to the heresy of Donutism. |
| Joan of Arc | Yes! At a very early age, she heard voices. |
| Timmy, martyred child webmaster of the First Church of Divine Biker Love | Yes! Pope Rusty keeps him locked in a dark room with just a PC and a scanner, refuses to pay him, and beats him. He won't let Timmy see his parents or his best friend. He feeds him stale communion crackers and scotch. Timmy is scared and lonely. Click here to help Timmy.... |
| Julian the Poor | Yes! He was married to a wealthy widow. A stag he was hunting predicted he would kill his own parents. Julian moved far away to avoid his parents, but they found him, and came to make a surprise visit. His wife gave them her and Julian's bed; Julian killed them, thinking they were his wife and another man. Patron Saint of Carnival Workers (a.k.a. Carnies). |
| Godfrey of Merville | Yes! Hanged by Calvinists. |
| Desideratus of Auvergne | Yes! Patron saint of crullers. |
| Saint Teena of Lake City Way | Yes! A First Church of Divine Biker Love Original! This Matron Saint of Unincorporated King County appears miraculously in pats of pan-cake makeup, blesses the tacky, and prevents teased hair from falling. |
| Florentius of Strasbourg | Yes! He cured the blind and deaf daughter of St. King Dagobert II. |
| Vitalis of Milan | Yes! Racked and then buried alive. |
| Kevin of Leinster | Yes! Many extravagant miracles were attributed to Kevin. Reputed to have been 120 years old at his death. |
| Barbara | Yes! Imprisoned in a tower by crazy father. Patron saint of dysfunctional families. |
| Rusty of Oklahoma | Yes! Founder the First Church of Divine Biker Love, he once crashed into a dynamite truck in a VW Rabbit (so don't put a plastic Saint Rusty on your dashboard!), and is the Patron Saint of Failed Serial Relationships With The Same Person. |
| Ulfrid | Yes! Martyred by pagans after chopping down an idol of the god Thor. |
| Nathalan of Tullicht | Yes! Became a hermit and performed miracles during a famine. |
| Hippolytus of Antioch | No. His Acts are considered too confused to be reliable. |
| Kenelm of Mercia | Yes! He was murdered by henchmen of his sister, Cynefrith. |
| Vulgis of Belgium | Yes! Patron saint of ... well... you know... |
| Walfrid of Palazzuolo | Yes! His cult was confirmed in 1861 by Pope Pius IX. |
| Quadragesimus of Policastro | Yes! Confessor and a shepherd known for miracles. |
| Erasmus of Campagna | Yes! Patron saint of abdominal pains. |
| Saint Donald | Yes! Martyred with colleagues Saint Mickey and Saint Minnie. |
| Adrian of Nicomedia | Yes! Patron saint of arms dealers. |
| Colette of Picardy | Yes! She prophesied her own death in her convent at Ghent, Belgium. |
| Eligius | Yes! Erected a major convent in Paris, and patron saint of metal workers. |
| Bernadine of Siena | Yes! Patron saint of advertising. |
| Philaster | Yes! He once endured a vicious scourging at the hands of Arian heretics. |
| Dufus of Arufus | Yes! Patron saint of stupid people. |
| Paphnutius | Yes! He was one of the confessors who under the Emperor Maximinus lost the right eye, were hamstrung in one leg, and were afterwards sent to work in the mines. |