Check as many boxes as apply to you:

I have bought dinner at the 7-11

I often buy dinner at the 7-11

I've used the microwave at the 7-11

I've eaten my microwaved burrito while standing in line at the 7-11

I think Moon Pies are part of a balanced diet

I've been arrested for being drunk and disorderly

I've been arrested for assault

I get arrested almost every weekend

I have dated a blood relative

I have had consensual sex with a blood relative

I have been married to a blood relative

My wedding reception was held at a tavern on dart night

The bridesmaids at my wedding wore tavern jackets

I don't give a big rat's ass about table manners

I've shot fish in a barrel

I keep having septic tank problems

I've used a money order at least once

I use money orders all the time

I keep (or have kept) my money in the freezer instead of the bank

I have worn a tube top, or my girlfriend or mother has worn a tube top

I was named after a confederate general or a country western star

I have eaten that green bean casserole made with mushroom soup
     and those fake canned onion rings

I have the recipe for that green bean casserole made with mushroom
     soup and those fake canned onion rings

I've had to borrow gas money from my mom

I've had to ask my mom to wire me gas money through Western Union

I've gotten pregnant, or gotten someone pregnant, in the back seat
     of a primer-gray camaro

I think lawn gnomes improve a landscaping theme

I have a lawn gnome or a plywood windmill in my yard

I have more than 10 lawn gnomes or windmills in my yard

I've given a sixpack of beer or a carton of cigarettes as a gift

I've said "Dad Gum" to avoid saying "God Damn" in front of the preacher

I have watched an evangelist on TV

I watch televangelists all the time

I sent a check to Oral Roberts so he wouldn't kill himself and could
     finish his Prayer Tower

I sent a money order to Oral Roberts so he wouldn't kill himself and could
     finish his Prayer Tower

I have prayed to God to give me a waterbed

I think that stripper really liked me!

I think alien abductions might be real

I've been abducted by aliens

I've been abducted and anally probed by aliens

My favorite book is TV Guide

I don't see anything inherently wrong with naugahyde or shag carpeting

There is no way that big time wrestling is fixed

I own a velvet painting of Elvis

I own a velvet painting of Jesus

I put extra big wheels on my pickup truck so I can look like a real idiot

I have a mullet hair style and a huge plastic comb sticking out of my back pocket

I've worn a hat that says either Eatin' ain't Cheatin' or Damn, I'm Good!

I've won a prize at a dart meat shoot

I've bought colored condoms out of a dispenser in a tavern bathroom

When I die and go to heaven, I'm pretty sure it'll be just like Wal-Mart, only bigger

I'm missing at least one tooth

I have at least one bad tattoo

I have more bad tattoos than teeth

I think Rush Limbaugh is really smart and has some good points to make

I think Elvis decorated Graceland using excellent judgment and taste

My favorite jokes are about sex or bodily functions

I've been so drunk I've peed my pants

I've peed my pants in church while rolling around in the aisle speaking in tongues

I think the worst thing about a divorce is having to make that truck payment
     all by yourself

Someone has had to file a restraining order against me

Several people have had to file restraining orders against me

I'm really proud of how well I'm doing on this test!

I have at least one vehicle up on cinderblocks in my yard

My yard is full of worthless, broken junk and it doesn't smell very good

I often chain my dog to an engine block in my yard to guard my junk

I have a bunch of chickens pecking around in the junk, and most of them are diseased

I think my junk-filled yard is a showplace and should be made into a park after I'm gone!

I've accepted Pope Rusty as my Personal Savior

My boss has had to ask me to stop holding farting contests in the lunchroom
     to entertain my co-workers

You can call me trashy if you want to, but I'm damned proud to be an American!