Pope Rusty Answers Life's Most Challenging Questions for You:

How can I be saved?
Stop worrying about your eternal soul today!

What's the meaning of life?
Pope Rusty's still trying to figure that one out.
That's why this is a dead link.

Where can I get a FCDBL t-shirt?
That's an easy one!

How come nobody likes me?
Take Pope Rusty's online diagnostic test to find out.

Who the fuck is Pope Rusty?
I'm not sure I like the tone of that question!

Why do pork rinds taste so good?
We went to the expert for this one!
Click to hear the answer: ..

How can I make a bunch more money?
Vocational degree programs at Pharting Pines University!
Check out Career Week at PPU!

I think I saw a vision of Pope Rusty appear on a taco.
How can I be sure?
If you're seeing visions of Pope Rusty, you're not alone.

What should I do in case of The Rapture?
Read Pope Rusty's emergency guide to The Rapture.

What should I do if The Rapture happens and I get left behind?
We have to plan for these contingencies and still try to turn a profit.

I did something I'm really ashamed of. What should I do?
Confess your sins on line to Pope Rusty. You'll be absolved and feel a whole lot better.

How do I know if I can qualify as Trailer Trash?
You don't have to live in a trailer to be trailer trash, and many people who do live in trailers aren't. Take our test to find out your Trailer Trash Index.

How can I build myself a chopper like Pope Rusty's Fatican Chopper?
Easy-to-follow, step-by-step instructions.

Who is the FCDBL's webmaster?
Meet Timmy and learn of his terrible plight.

What Would Rusty Do (WWRD)?
Good question! Click here to present your dilemma and find out what Rusty would do!

What Would Rusty Ride (WWRR)?
An even better question! Click here to see what Rusty would (and wouldn't) ride!

How can I find out what's going to happen to me in the future?
Three ways to get your fortune told for free.

Does God love Americans more than people from other countries?
Heavens NO. Click here to find out why not.

What happened with Pope Rusty and the Ring of Fire? And will there be a sequel?
Let me tell you a little story...

Where's a good place to shoot fish in a barrel?
You've found it! Shoot fish at the Pharting Pines Theme Park and Cultural Center.

Did Pope Rusty really die on the toilet?
Rumors have run rampant. Find out the truth.

Is Pope Rusty a Pope or a Pimp?
We're not sure yet. Ballots are still being counted. Click here to cast your vote.

Does Pope Rusty have tent revivals, heal the sick, and do other evangelical stuff?
You bet your big fat American ass he does! He also leads the Teenage Runaway Hitchhiker Choir, is building a prayer tower, and baptizes parishioners in the Green River.

I confessed my sins, but Pope Rusty didn't respond....
That's because you didn't leave your e-mail address, you big moron. Click here to see if he has responded to you on line.

I can't seem to get a date with a religious chick. What should I do, Pope Rusty?
Well, why not read the FCDBL's Public Service Pamphlet # 47?

Pope Rusty, I'm really, really fat. Is there a fellowship for people like me?
Yes there is. It's called the United States of America. But if you're looking for a more exclusive group, why not check out the FCDBL's Fatasses Sundae Bar Chat Board?

Is there somewhere I can go to chat with others who have spiritual problems like mine?
Pope Rusty's not sure if there's anyone with spiritual problems as bad as yours... But click above to enter Pope Rusty's Online Spiritual Counseling Chat Room. Maybe you can find someone as troubled and fucked up as you are.... Good luck.

Didn't find the answer to your question? Fill out (anonymously if you wish) Pope Rusty's Online Spiritual Counseling Form Your questions may be selected appear here in the future if they're stupid enough.   Back to the First Church of Divine Biker Love