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Please answer the following questions carefully so that the Pharting Pines University Education Director can place you in the appropriate level of study. If it takes you more than two hours to complete this exam, you may want to reflect upon your readiness to enter a program of study in the realm of higher education. When you've completed the test, submit your answers to receive immediate results, then choose an academic program appropriate to your placement score and needs.


1. Can you pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and the instructions written on the heel?

  Yes
  No

2. Can you find your ass with both hands?

  Yes
  No

3. How about with one hand?

  Yes
  No

4. What was your childhood nickname? (Please select only one.)

  Stinky
  Turkey
  Dopey
  Stupid

5. Is the earth round or flat?

  Flat
  Round
  Beats me

6. When was the War of 1812?

  1812
  Is this a trick?
  You shut up!

7. How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

  Yes
  No

8. Which one of these is a former US president?

  Led Zeppelin
  Lyndon LaRouche
  Richard Nixon
  Rush Limbaugh

9. Are you as dumb as you look?

 Yes
 No

10. What is 2 + 2?

  Yes
  No
  You shut up!

Submit your answers
and receive your placement:

Choose your academic program based on your test results above: