Pharting Pines University

Distant Learning Program


Earn your B.A. or your B.S. on the internet!

You can take the same test for either the BA or the BS degree:
B.A. - from the First Church Chapter of A.A. (Assholes Anonymous)
B.S. in B.S. - from the PPU School of Mendacity
If you qualify at this level, you can choose which degree to take.
If you're an asshole, select the B.A. degree. If you're a liar,
choose the B.S. degree. If you're a lying asshole, take both.

.

Please answer the following questions carefully. You have 20 minutes to complete this exam. You MUST qualify as either a liar or an asshole to earn your degree.


1. What's your name?

2. If you told the truth on the last question, go back now and change your answer.


 3. What's the proper way to address a cop?

"Excuse me, Officer...?"
"I smell bacon!"
"Listen, Pig..."

 

4.There's nothing wrong with breaking up with someone by e-mail:

  Agree
  Disagree

 


5. How long has it been since you shouted "Hey baby! You're looking FINE!" at someone out the car window?

  1 week
  2 weeks or more

 

6. When you get drunk, how often do you become so belligerent that the cops are called?:

  90 % of the time
  100 % of the time

 

7. Do you still have your driver's license, or has it been taken away for road rage?

  I can get it back in 6 months
  I can never drive in this state again


8. This is your final qualifying task.

In the box below, type in the names of all of the people you pissed off this week. If you need more space, scroll down. You have 30 seconds. Go:

 

Double-check your work.
If you think you're ready to receive your diploma,
click on the degree program of your choice:
Yes! I'm an asshole!
I want the B.A. from the First Church Chapter of Assholes Anonymous:
Yes! I'm a liar!
I want the B.S. in B.S. degree from the Pharting Pines School of Mendacity:



 

 

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